Walter White's Worldly Sorrow

Breaking Bad season 5, the final season, is soon to be over. I've said before that I've never appreciated a show as much as this one, and the final season hasn't disappointed. If you're playing catch-up, there is no spoiler alert here, just a common theme: Walt's worldly sorrow. 

Throughout the show, despite the continual hardening of his heart toward anything "good," he never stops displaying emotion. He's not a sociopath. He does have feelings. Yes at times he does things unthinkable, but there are other episodes where we see real tears running down his face. Even in this last season, despite his malfeasance and machinations, he still cries. 

While Paul wouldn't deny there are different types of tears, he classifies two major types of "sad tears."

As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. (II Cor 7:9-10)

We see Walt shed many a tear over what he has done: lives he's either altered for worse or destroyed. But not long after those tears, we see him get right back after it. Nothing changes. There is sadness for a time, and perhaps even for a season, but this sorrow only leads to death: the ultimate separation from God. But we see glimpses of this descent into death through alienation with his family, extended family, his conscience, and his partner-in-crime Jesse. In the book of Jonah, every step he takes away from God's commands is a step toward the place of death and separation, known as "Sheol." Every step away from God is a step away from life. This is "worldly sorrow."

When you see Walt's tears, you think you see a glimmer of hope. And then you remember the name of the show is Breaking Bad. Just about everyone gets worse. People left to themselves will often show some signs of remorse, but will only display worldly sorrow. And we are reminded in this scripture passage, this type of sorrow only leads to death. 

If you are a Christian, you are not a Walt. You have definitively passed from death to life and that life starts now. While sanctification is definitive, it is also progressive (please don't think Flo). The life you enter into is never devoid of struggle with the old Walt in us (or Adam to be theologically correct) who will inevitably seek to selfishly cry as a form of show, penance, or shallow regret. 

What's the difference? If death is alienation from God, salvation is relationship with God first, His people next, and then what He's doing in the world today. When Paul speaks of "salvation without regret," he is speaking in terms of reconciliation. People have shown a sorrow that leads to repenting instead of running from God and His people. They have repented from their sins against God and Paul, and are now "back on good terms" with the latter. This type of godly sorrow moves you to deeper relationship with God and His people.

Repentance always has a destination, and that first stop is God. Then His people. Then becoming involved with how God in Christ (gospel preached through the gathered/scattered church) is undoing what the first Walt, or rather Adam, did.

Watching Walt's worldly sorrow should lead me to a examine my sorrow to make sure it is truly leading me to repentance, which ultimately points me to the deepest experience of life.

How much ya bench? Struggle spotting

After some time away from the gym, I've finally started getting back into the swing of things. It's been a struggle but I think that I have found a time that works. Until the baby gets here and things, schedules, sleep, (life in general) changes yet again.

Regardless, my favorite exercise is the bench press. It is the most easily quantifiable, measurable, transferable exercise. I can tell, care, compare how strong I am, particularly in relation to others around me. Or in the NFL....Remember the SNL skit, "How much ya bench?"

I haven't asked anyone to "spot me" yet, which is necessary if I'm ever going to actually get much stronger (not just back to what I could do in West Virginia). But I often hesitate even in asking people, because I don't like having to tell people exactly how I want it done. Particularly when I don't know them well. 

Sometimes when people "spot" you, they see you struggle and immediately put their hands under the bar. It then rises up very quickly. It goes from really hard to really easy. You don't need to be a trainer to realize that muscles grow best when they are exhausted. They grow best when and only when there is a struggle. 

So when I get a "spotter" I have to tell him, "Let me struggle. Only help at the moment I absolutely need it. And then barely help it up." 

When someone spots you and keeps you from struggling, it feels like you've just wasted your time. It's easy, but you just won't ever get much stronger.

I've heard the "faith is like a muscle" comparisons my whole life. But I've never really through the fact I actually seek such a spotter in the weight room. Such a spotter is loving. Such a spotter cares about me getting stronger more than he cares about easy lifting.

Yet such a spotter is there for a reason. I need him. I trust him. I have confidence he'll let me struggle, but I also have confidence he won't let me get pinned (that's not much fun-there is no more helpless feeling in the world!).

Church planting is not easy. But neither is life for most people who aren't church planting. Marriage, parenting, work, etc....Jesus is the spotter who seeks us out, but he does so because of His great love. I'm learning to see Jesus as a spotter and not get so mad at him when he lets me struggle. It's not that he's not there, but much the opposite. After all, that struggle is the best thing for me: conforming me to His image. That's what He cares about most in the end anyway. When I begin to line up His vision for me with my vision for me, I'll begin to appreciate his style of spotting a lot more.

Disappointment: It's not as bad as I thought

As a church planter you have to ask for things. Lots of things. Now everyone should ask for lots of things, but I've found myself doing that more these days because I have less in some sense. Though much was already committed before I was even "signed," I still do have to ask for money. That's kind of hard. But I also have to ask for people. And you can't really ask people for themselves, at least not at first. Because of that I'm at the mercy of people returning phone calls, meeting me and meeting with me, showing interest in me, the church, or the gospel (preferably all three, but one out of three isn't bad). Since I cannot provide that interest, I have to ask God for it. 

And while scary, it can also be kind of fun. It can result in great excitement and praise. 

For instance, I prayed for several neighbors that I had made contact with a while ago, yet hadn't been able to connect with. I prayed specifically for two of them to return a phone call. Just 15 minutes after praying, I saw a name pop up on my I-phone. It was one of the two.

For a very short 5 seconds, I praised God out loud before answering the phone. There was talking, but it wasn't to me. He had "butt-called" me. If you're not familiar with that term, we'll just say he accidentally called me without knowing it or realizing I had actually answered the phone.

From the heights of praise to the depths of disappointment. In 4.5 seconds.

James 4 reminds us that we don't have because we don't ask. So we should definitely ask. But the problem when you do ask-and I've already mentioned that I have to ask for a number of things I haven't asked for before-is that you set yourself up for disappointment. You really do. I think we need to honestly count the cost of asking. 

Of course there is a reason that God says, "No, or not right now." Just like when parents tell there kids, which is always a good reminder. Why should I expect my kids to take it so easy, when it's hard for me?

With much asking comes much disappointment. Of course with much asking, comes much thanksgiving. But instead of basing my confidence in prayer or spiritual well being on how many times God said, "Yes" that week vs. how many times he said, "No" or "Not at the moment," I've had to reconsider how I view disappointment. 

The Psalms are full of highs and lows. Full of disappointment and full of thanksgiving. You might think the persons writing them were a bit unstable. But I think that's just a healthy vibrant spiritual life. If you aren't disappointed, you probably don't care all that much. And if you are disappointed, remember, that is so much better than being apathetic. Or even being dry. Going back and forth between disappointment and thanksgiving is far more healthy than a "stable" dry time.  

Disappointment is not a dark desert highway on the way to the Hotel California, but an experience of a real relationship with a Heavenly Father, who out of love, may say, "No" or "Not yet." 

I've been dry. I've been on spiritual auto-pilot before. I'm learning that temporary disappointing periods are actually much better. It means there is a real Father-son relationship taking place, just like the one which takes place in my house each day. Highs and lows, but it is real, not robotic. I'm learning to see disappointment in a new light.

Deeper than Weezer: Opening up a redemptive Pandora's box

One of my prayer requests for the "core group" of our church plant (obviously including me) is for a deeper personal conviction of sin. What I mean is that we would be aware of, and regularly repent of our particular sins. Not just that we engaged in sin like gossip, lust, jealousy, envy, selfishness, self-righteousness, or didn't engage in what we were called to (sins of omission), but why we did the things we did. Why chose to gossip (to tear down instead of considering how Christ builds us up) to lust (failure to see Christ as worthy of our gaze) or selfishness (failure to heed Jesus promise that there is more joy in giving life away). Why would a pastor pray for something like this for himself and Christ's sheep?

If that seems like a strange request, I promise you it is a prayer that will bring praise to Christ, joy to the believer, and blessing/opportunity to neighbors/co-workers/friends. To repent of particular sins and recognize personal sin in general opens up the opposite of pandora's box: the deep treasures of the gospel to you and others.

1.) For your neighbors benefit: The more you are aware of your own personal sin, the less self-righteous you become. You become the biggest sinner you know. You don't look down upon someone else for doing _____. Instead you look sideways, seeing them as a fellow sinner, also in need of grace. The difference is...you have received grace, not that you're a "better" person. Often you'll find you aren't! You become a better neighbor when you realize God doesn't need your good works but your neighbor does (a la Martin Luther).

2.) For your benefit. Obviously you have to turn to Jesus, but if you have a constant recognition of your own sin, then you have a constant rest, appreciation, and joy that God's love for you is grounded not in your performance but in the person and work of Christ. That is freeing and makes you want to make a joyful noise to Jesus. The flip side is also true: if you have little understanding of your own sin, you have little need for Jesus. Maybe you needed him back a few years ago, but now, not so much. What happens? You'll find yourself becoming more and more self-righteous, angry, and bitter. Remember the "other prodigal son?" If not, check out how his self-righteousness made him and angry SOB (Luke 15:11-32). We miss out on joy and become more self-righteous by ignoring our sin.

We don't repent from personal sin regularly so that God will give us more stuff (health and wealth gospel), but so that God will give us more of Himself. On the other side of the cross there was joy for Jesus so that on the other side of repentance, which is faith, joy will abound to us.

3.) For the sake of the Commission. A deeper understanding of sin led Isaiah into volunteering for a mission done got himself killed (Isaiah 6). And he volunteered for it! In the presence of God's Holy throne he came undone (no it wasn't because someone pulled the thread of his sweater as he walked away a la Weezer) because of a deep recognition of his own sins of the tongue. Once God cleansed and symbolically atoned for his sin, he said, "Here I am, send me." His own sin, and the forgiveness by God, moved him toward mission. It moved him to sacrifice even his life for his neighbors. It move us to sacrifice comfort and convenience when we recognized that Christ has atoned the sins of our tongues (among a plethora of other sins). In contrast, a lack of personal sin is what led Jonah to self-righteously and unwillingly preach the gospel, and then actually, angrily hope for the worst (Jonah 4). Notice the difference?

4.) For the sake of Christ. One of the reasons we have been saved is so that we would praise God for the glorious riches offered to us in the in person of God the Son, with those promises sealed to us by God the Holy Spirit (Eph 1). Instead of morbid introspection where we spend time thinking how bad we are, we quickly turn from looking at our personal sin for the day or sin in general, and immediately cast our gaze upon Him who is already looking down from Heaven with a smile. When our countenance meets His, we burst forth in song, praise, and possibly dance (depending upon denomination or skill level). Regular, albeit brief glances at our sin leads to a panoramic view of Christ and His work.

The TV show Breaking Bad, probably better than any other show I've seen, reveals the cosmic affects of personal sin. But the gospel message and power invite us to live within a different narrative. Personal sin has/has had cosmic consequences, but personal gospel dynamics also have a cosmic redemptive affect.

If you've read this and think of someone else who needs to take sin more seriously, you've missed the point. If you've read this and think I'm writing this about YOU in particular, well there's a Carly Simon song you might remember called "Your So Vain-I bet you think this post is about you." But if you read this and have begun to recognize how messed up you really are, and then how perfect, righteous, gracious, satisfying, loving, merciful, powerful, holy, giving Jesus is, and that he offers all He demands, then you'll have read this post correctly. 

If you begin with your goodness, you'll love Jesus and your neighbors a whole lot less. On the contrary if you begin with your sin, Jesus will be honored and your neighbors blessed. They may just thank you-even if they don't understand exactly how such sacrificial love was kindled.

The freeing affect of a father's non-frown

I have two boys right now. One five, and one almost three. Even though my five year old has been around a few years longer, my two year old has broken far more things in his shorter life. Lamps, glasses, dishes, radio attenanae on mini-van, and missing Roku controller-I can't prove he discarded it somewhere but I'm pretty sure he did.

The other day while working in my first office (Atlanta Bread Co is office number 2), I heard a loud crash. Cade knocked over the lamp, again, but this time it landed on tile instead of carpet. That ended its 5 year period of providing light. 

But I didn't get all that frustrated to come down and see the cracked lamp. Better it land on the tile than his little frame. And I don't get too attached to lamps. 

I don't know how much money Cade has cost me in broken items over the years, but I would guess it doesn't add up to all that much. Whenever I become frustrated when one of my kids break things, I remember back to all of my father's stuff I've broken over the years.

For some reason, in middle school, I worked on my baseball swing in the garage and dented the Porsche. In high school, I crashed a boat into our dock one afternoon because I had neglected to take the weeds out of the jet in the jet boat on the previous trip. After college, I left the boat lift on, went inside, and came back outside after I realized my mistake. Too late. The beautiful ski boat's windshield was completely shattered against the roof.

I'll never forget my father's face. Instead of anger at what was one of the most expensive, avoidable, and stupid mistakes I've made, he said, "Hmmmm.......well......" Or something like that. I screwed up big time and my father's face, instead of being filled with anger, was instead filled with compassion. He moved toward me, not away. He knew that I knew I had screwed up, and how bad and embarrassed I felt.

I've broken way more than my son will ever be able to break. So how angry should I get when he breaks things? Even more so, when I remember my father's reaction, not angry at me for destroying his otherwise flawless boat, how can I become angry at my son? Believing in grace makes you a better parent. I need to believe more. Much more. 

If my dad had become vehemently angry with me, I would then be scared to mess up in the future. I would follow the best I could out of fear. That wouldn't be the last thing I would break. I flew a remote controlled helicopter into a ceiling fan a few years ago. While I didn't want to break it, fear wasn't my motivator. I thought I would break it, and I even told him I would probably break it, and yet I wasn't afraid to break it. And I did. But I desired not to break it out of love, not fear. You see, that's one mark of a son.

Fear of failure may work for a job, but it doesn't motivate sanctification. Jean Larroux, one of my favorite preachers, posed a question in a sermon, "Describe God's face toward you now? A smile? OK, well what does His face look like after you sin? A frown?" 

Does God look down upon you with a a Jon Gruden-like scowl when you sin, but then smiles over you when you do something good? 

I don't believe we lose that smile when we screw up. And I don't believe we can put that smile back on His face when we don't screw up. We're just not that good, and our faith isn't all that much better. 

If our Heavenly Father's face doesn't turn to a dark scowl when we screw up, doesn't that motivate you to follow after Him with all of your heart? I didn't cost Him a boat, but a Son. That's steep. 

My dad could afford to pay for another boat. My Father already paid for all the "boats" I could break. Doesn't this make me care about sin more than those who don't know about grace? Doesn't this make me want to honor a God like this in all that I do? If not, then we're probably not really "getting" it.

I'm reminded of the old Hymn: "What Wondrous Love is This?"

When I sinking down, beneath God's righteous frown, 
Christ laid aside his crown, for my soul, for my soul,
Christ laid aside his crown for my soul

The righteous frown for the Christian is over. We follow Him now in freedom, not in fear.

Method to his Maddonness

My previous post considered the danger of having a "sales-report" type mentality when it comes to your relationship with God. Now I want to consider another fairly unique management style.

If know anything about the Tampa Bay Rays, you'll know that they have to be one of the loosest teams in baseball. When they travel, they have themes: they all dress in some sort of themed attire. All of this flows from laid back manager Joe Maddon. After one of their losses against a struggling Toronto Blue Jays team, when the Rays almost came from behind to win, Maddon irritated a local sports talk by posing the question, "Aren't you just so proud of our guys today?" They lost. "Aren't you proud?" Really?

Yes, that is Joe Maddon, often known for his calm demeanor as "Merlow Joe."

Joe's relaxed ways haven't been without results. In fact, after mired in myriad losing seasons, Joe's Rays teams have been to the world series once and playoffs two other times, just missing out last year by a game or two. 

But of course, it is the players who ultimately have to perform. And when they get to Tampa Bay (or rather St. Pete to be precise), perform they do. In fact, player after player comes to Tampa after previously under-preforming with other teams-which is actually why the Rays can afford them. And then something clicks.

Previous let-downs become All Stars. Fernando Rodney, who bounced around with several teams, had the best season ever for a closer last year. This has happened with relief pitchers on a yearly basis, but the same rings true for position players like James Loney. This 1st baseman should have been an all star and is now batting .318 after only posting a .230 mark last year. This happens over and over. It is not coincidence.

There is something to Maddon's madness.

He told Loney, "Don't worry about hitting home runs." In other words, relax and just hit it where you hit it. Just be yourself out there. So Loney hits it wherever the pitch dictates.

This year Fernando Rodney started off very poorly. He gave up runs. He blew saves. He blew opportunities when he was up by several several runs, several different times. I was done with him. Maddon wasn't, and much to many fan's frustration.

Luke Scott, who under-performed last year as well, was again under-performing this year. I was done with him. Maddon wasn't, much to the dismay of many media. 

Now the two are playing fantastic and making a huge difference. They actually are performing. 

But they had the freedom to fail. They had the freedom to not be obsessed with how they were performing. They weren't afraid to get benched, sent down to the minors, or released. And it has made a huge difference. It does every year. 

Maddon shows patience with struggling players, and it shows. They blow it sometimes. But they don't fear losing their position on the team.

It drives me nuts sometimes as a fan, but Maddon gets more out of these players than anyone else does. In fact, when they go elsewhere to make more money, they usually once again, under-perform.

Now I'm not going to argue that God is laid back and loose with sin. He is Holy, Holy, Holy. But because He has paid the punishment of sin HIMSELF,  we can now approach him and no longer fear about "under-performing" for Him. When that fear is taken away, what happens? We do end up "performing." We do end up changing, loving, pursuing holiness. What happens when God is patient with us? We love him more and don't use our freedom for selfish gain but instead to serve others (Gal 5:13). His kindness moves us to repentance (Romans 2:4). If it doesn't, then you probably don't understand His kindness.

Don't think these Rays players don't want to perform. But Joe knows in order for that to happen, they have to know that even if they don't, they're not going anywhere. 

I think such is the case with our sanctification. As Steve Brown put it once, "The only ones who really get any 'better' are the ones who know if they never do, God will love them just as much."

What the Eagles, Bucs, and we can learn from the NFL Combine

Today begins the much awaited NFL combine. Well, even though the NFL Network covers and promotes it, most folks outside athletes, scouts, coaches, GM's, (you know the ones who actually have something at stake 16 games a year), really don't care too much about it.

Sometimes players can increase their draft status because they run a 40 yard dash faster than someone else. Sometimes players show how far they can jump or how high (not sure why you need an offensive lineman who can jump a little farther, or higher or run just a small bit faster than another-I mean is there a need for offensive lineman to jump high?). And most fans who have followed football regularly remember the letdown (at least for the Eagles) story of Boston College DE Mike Mamula, who's combine performance catapulted him to number 7 overall draft pick. Ironically enough, the Eagles traded with the Bucs, who were picking at number 7. How did the Bucs do? Well they ended up with Hall of Famer Warren Sapp and future Hall of Famer Derrick Brooks because of the trade. Not too bad on this end.

Regardless, the combine can be helpful to athletes but it often proves harmful for the overall team who selects one athlete ahead of another simply because his performance or appearance (literally-those dudes are dressed up in underwear and judged by their looks). If that part sounds like a beauty contest, that's because it pretty much is.

The NFL combine is in essence, the very opposite of how God calls His followers to think. For instance, God reminded Samuel that His choosing the smaller David over his bigger, more fit brothers was chosen not by appearance but by the heart. Later God reminds us through Zecheriah, it is not strength or the appearance of strength that will carry the day, but instead, "by my Spirit." And in the New Testament we have a similar encouragement for the types of people God chooses to play a part in the unfolding story of redemption.

For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. I Cor 1:26

For those prone to confidence in the appearance and gifts of others

One of my fellow seminary students had a lisp, and I immediately thought this would hinder people paying attention. God humbled me as he was the best preacher of the lot!

Whether it comes to electing leaders, choosing pastors, or discerning the next generation of teachers, it is important to not ignore gifting. Many future elders, pastors, teachers are gifted and as a community it is fairly easy to spot them when you give them opportunities. But to simply find which one is the most gifted is probably a grave error. One may "run" or "jump" a little faster or higher, but does that necessarily translate to fruitful ministry? No, just as those combine markers don't translate to NFL success. It is more important to recognize heart character. Some folks may appear tangibly more gifted than others, but God will sometimes do far less with them. He gets the final vote, and we see in the scripture how He rolls. He rolls with the humble and broken more than the top 5 "can't miss" draft picks.

For those prone to lose confidence based upon appearance and gifts of self

Now gifting is good and God is the giver of all good gifts. And God does raise up "Top 5" draft picks like Tim Keller, Matt Chandler, John Piper, Mark Driscoll, Ed Stetzer. But many are not by skill set or appearance "Top 5" draft picks. And the encouragement for the rest of us is that we don't have to be. We have a place too. We can simply be who we are. I want to get better at what I do. So I listen to recordings of my sermons, read books, talk to people, get feedback, discern what others are doing. But the NFL combine reminds me to spend even more time developing the intangibles: the heart. Not listening to my heart but getting my heart to listen to the gospel every day. To take confidence in the gospel and not my appearance/gits or lack thereof. God does more with less than anyone else. But we see in scriptures that he does more with those who care about their hearts more than their gifts or appearance.

Why I think so many people like Downton Abbey

 
There is no doubt that Downton Abbey is quite a popular show in America. After several folks recommended it to me, I finally caved. I hadn't watched any Masterpiece Classic stuff at the time. I since have watched and enjoyed several mini-series like North and South (which features a very feisty Mr. Bates) along with Wuthering Heights. But at the time, the premise of an aristocratic family pre/post WWI didn't seem to strike a nerve, or even tendon for that matter. I didn't care. Until my wife and I watched, and were immediately hooked. Gut hooked.

But we only comprised a small portion-you do the math, (seriously I don't feel like it)-of the viewers.

The Season 3 premiere of the World War I-era British costume epic on PBS on Sunday drew 7.9 million total viewers, its highest total yet, according to Nielsen. That figure is four times PBS' typical nightly average and nearly twice the 4.2 million who showed up for the Season 2 premiere last January.

The question is why? For a show on PBS to draw these kinds of ratings, we have to stop and ask this question. If we are to live lovingly and responsibly within our culture, and probably among neighbors who appreciate this show, we need to ask this question. For any show to garner such viewership, there is usually a reason for its success. Now for shows like Baywatch, or other shows which profit from showing gals in bathing suits, the answer lies very much on the surface. For other shows like Parenthood, the answer is fairly easy: many people still value the traditional marriage and nuclear/extended family unit. But for a show to take us to another century, to another continent, to a life like none of really know, and leave many wanting more, we have to dig much deeper.

So why is Downton Abbey popular and growing in popularity? Is it because people empathize with the characters (and we do)? Yes, but why is there such affinity for these lads and chaps? And even with crazy neurotic and often manipulative lasses?

Nicolaus Mills, writing a piece for CNN.com takes a stab at offering a suitable explanation.

The earl of Grantham, played with enormous subtlety by Hugh Bonneville, doesn't look like a democrat or speak like a democrat. When crossed, he even displays an imperious temper. But appearances are deceiving when it comes to Lord Grantham's character. The earl treats those who work for him with a compassion that goes well beyond noblesse oblige. He regards the World War I deaths of those who once worked on his estate as a family tragedy.

I wouldn't disagree with Mills, but would rather expound a bit upon his explication. The earl's compassion is extraordinary and exemplary, a challenge for all Americans who find themselves in the role of an employer. Yet it is also in some ways still limited by his stratified societal worldview. It is more than compassion, and it is more than the Earl of Grantham.

Why I appreciate Downton so much, and I think what may draw people to it, is the character redemption. It's the opposite of Breaking Bad. Some people do change. And people want to change. And people want to see people changing, becoming "better," or at least more compassionate people.

At Downton, that is what exactly what we see. For the most part we see people moving from selfishness to selflessness. We see a movement from envy to rejoicing at the fortunes of others. We see remorse over past actions. We see class segregation begin to slowly fade away in some cases. We see people changing for the better as the seasons progress.

Under the roof of Downton Abbey, we begin to see the normally slow process of sanctification (I'm of course now using Christian terminology) unfold over the course of an hour, just as we hope to see in those who take refuge in the grace found and preached under the "roof" of Christ's church.

People like to see people changing. People like to see that people can change. We see these things happening in most of the characters (some go back and forth) and that's why I think it is so popular. At least that is one reason why I'm drawn to enjoy and empathize with almost all of the characters.

When you don't get to be a line-leader, remember Jesus Paid it All

This Sunday my 4 year old came back into "big church" from children's church (which occurs during the sermon for 4yr-1st graders) with a huge smile on his face. He gave me a big hug and was a bit on the cuddly side. This seemed strange for a number of reasons: 1) He wasn't sick 2.) He wasn't tired 3.) I wasn't Mommy. But I took the hug and cuddle combo as we sang the last song in worship. What an ending.

Of course I soon realized one reason he was so happy: he was the "line leader." Just last week, he wasn't the line leader and everything was different. I had come to retrieve him to sing Jesus Paid it All, but the poor little guy was crying too much that he couldn't bring himself to sing one of his favorite (or at least most 4 yr old singable choruses) church songs. 

The reason? He wasn't the line leader and wanted to be with the deepest fibers of his young soul. 

So we talked about the episode on the way home as a family. While driving through the potholed and hilly West Virginia road I've come to know-but not love-my wife asked him why he was so upset about not being the "line leader." 

I can't remember his response but for some reason I don't think it was all that accurate. He's as competitive as Tim Tebow and loves to lead. We know that much. I'm pretty sure it sounded nothing like this,"I like being in front, because that's the best and most important place to be. And if you are in front, you're the winner." Or in other words, his inner Ricky Bobby came out: "If you ain't first, your last." That was the reason.

Amy responded beautifully, much more gospel-centered than I would have. Jesus said the first shall be last and that we need to serve people. That's probably what I might have said. But Amy sought to expose the issue behind the outward behavior. Jesus' commands need to be affirmed and applied, and I would have been correct (Jesus is always "right"), but the law has to first drive us to Christ before it can become a guide for life. In other words, we need to first see what Jesus has done for us before we tell others (kids, friends, etc...) before we tell people what Jesus wants them to do.

My wife applied the gospel to the situation. "You wanted to be first because you think you're only important if you're first. But Jesus already showed you how important you are by dying for your sins. You don't need to be the line leader every time. You are important."

The great irony and sadness is that he wasn't able to sing the very song that affirmed this truth. Jesus Paid it All. There is nothing left for you do. How important are you? Pretty darn important. You don't need a place in line, big paycheck, station in life to prove that.

After he seemed to say something like, "OK," in less than a second he said something to the effect of "What time does the game start today?" 

He probably didn't get it that day. And he probably won't tomorrow. But if he only hears this day and day out for the next 14 years, then he'll think, feel, live in a unique gospel-ish sort of way. That's why its so important for us to hear this truth reinforced in sermons week in and week out. We may be tired, daydream, lose our place, get bored, but if we hear the gospel applied like this every Sunday, for years, we will gradually think, feel, live in gospel-ish sort of way as well. 

I need examples for how to apply the gospel to parenting. My wife gave me this one, so I'm passing it on to you. But this is more than just "good" parenting, it is simply living out the gospel and applying it to your sin and situation.

If you are a Christian parent, friend, or simply a Christian, remember to apply what Jesus has done first before you tell yourself or another to simply do. WDJD before WWJD. I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus would do.

A Boobalicious Baptism? Nope, not classy enough

A friend of mine posted a video snippet from the show Big Rich Texas (I guess that's a real show) on how to do a classy and stylish baptism.



It is worth watching because it is quite outrageous. It is also quite funny, but at the same time it is quite sad. A weird mix, like Hope Solo and Jerramy Stevens who married one day after being arrested for assault. Jesus is conspicuously absent, but not in a Esther-esque type way.

Despite the fact that this video misses Jesus entirely, I will try to practice Paul's method in his ministry to the Athenians (Acts 17) when he commended that which he could before critiquing and pointing to Jesus. Here's my best shot.

Positives

1.) Breasts should take a backseat to a baptism. Now she doesn't say this exactly, but instead warns against being "boobalicious." I think that church is probably also a time not to be "boobalicious." Then again, whatever that means, boobaliciousness is probably best reserved for the bedroom. 

2.) Baptism is celebratory. I think this lady gets that. It is a big deal. A baptism is something we should get very excited about. Jesus is on the move as a conquering King and we join in the celebration.

3.) Community. Sometimes shy people would prefer to have as little attention drawn to them as possible, and therefor postpone or put off baptism entirely. But our baptism is not an individualistic endeavor. We are being brought into a new community, of which we now have new blessings and responsibilities. And in turn, that new community, the church, has new blessings and responsibilities as well.

Negatives

1.) Baptism is not about you wanting to change. Baptism isn't primarily about the commitment to live a different life or turning over an new leaf (thought that is certainly the result of the gospel), but about Jesus atoning sacrifice and resurrection which then empowers us to live differently (I Peter 3:21; Col 2:12). It may sound like semantics, but if God doesn't deal with the punishment and power of sin, all is lost. Baptism is not a sanctified public New Years resolution ceremony celebration of your commitment to Him. It's celebrating His commitment to you.
2.) Classy and Stylish? Not exactly God's great and wonderful plan for our lives. I even wonder how "classy" Jesus was. When he describes the great eschatological banquet and party he's going to throw at the end of time, he goes after the classless, scoundrel, smelly, crippled, blind (Luke 14). The classy people you would expect to come to the party didn't want to be there. Maybe they felt too classy? I wonder if we don't at times follow the same M.O., but just don't realize it. Jesus washed feet, touched lepers and bleeding ladies. And that's not to say he didn't have classy friends: I'm sure Zaccheus' house was probably pretty classy. When you steal a lot of money, you probably spend that money on your house. But classy and stylish didn't form some sort of invisible fence determining that which he should or shouldn't do. Now I've never been accused of being too classy and stylish (my high school priest/teacher refused to believe my family were members of the Tampa Yacht and Country Club), but there are things that I should do which I sometimes feel are "beneath me." Am I not then acting too classy but sub-Christian?

3.) Don't try to make baptism or Jesus beautiful. You can take something beautiful, such as a baptism, and try to make it more beautiful, and end up making it repulsive. Like Big Rich Texas. We can do this with our pictures of Jesus. CNN actually offered a survey to discern whether or not you were "Red Jesus or Blue Jesus?" When we create a Jesus that has a bigger heart for the 2nd amendment than the 2nd commandment, or a Jesus that is primarily interested in entitlements and more government regulation, we have before us a very ugly Jesus.

We've all tried to make him more beautiful by adding stuff which seems classy, stylish, fitting, and relevant, but we have ultimately presented a repulsive view of Jesus. If not to ourselves, then to others. And he's beautiful beyond description as the disciples found out (Matt 17:2). They were speechless, minus Peter who was apparently a talker.

Anything you try to adorn Jesus with will in the end leave him looking uglier beyond belief, whether it be good works, tradition, politics, etc...That's the irony.

In the end, I'm ok with an non-traditional baptism as long as the person and work of Jesus, and His church, take a front seat to stylish, classy, convenience, and individual.
 

Sadly sovereign, mostly sovereign, and mostly believing sovereignty

Christians, at least in America (since I don't know a ton of Christians outside of America I'll limit my target audience to those I actually know) really struggle with the idea of God being Sovereign. Now few people struggle with declaring God is Sovereign, since that's exactly what the bible tells us about God. But when it comes to actually what God is sovereign "over," well that's when two paths diverge. I've "chosen" (or have I?) the road less traveled, but many folks really believe in a limited picture of God's Sovereignty. 

For instance, my son's preschool lays forth some of its theological convictions, one of which is "God is Sovereign over all things." But what they really mean is that God is Sovereign over all things except my individual choice to repent and believe. That is off limits. God does not choose people, God's people have chosen Him. This is an arena God can do nothing about. So in essence God is only mostly Sovereign (still better than slightly sovereign I presume). 

Yet for those who would profess that God is in total Sovereign control over His universe (Psalm 115:3; Psalm 135:6), there is still yet another bigger problem. Believing it. How do I know if I am, at the moment, truly believing God is Sovereign? Here are some diagnostic observations I've been personally working through (well before, but also during the election) to discern how much I really believe.

• I might be saddened by a decision/outcome, but will not be depressed by it. 

• I will be angered by an injustice, and it will move me to prayer and action, but I won't be disillusioned by sin's presence. Sin's presence will be with us until Jesus returns.

• I will be frustrated by an event or outcome, but instead of a fatalistic apathy or uber-introspection, I can evaluate and discern what can be learned for the future
• I might be angered by the actions of others, but it won't stop me from loving them

For a more thorough look at the idea of "God is in control" as it relates to the election, I commend to you the article of a friend and fellow PCA pastor

Professing God is Sovereign is the easy part; believing God is actually Sovereign is hard part. Very hard. I'm a decent theologian but not very good at applying my theology. That's what my frustration, anxiety and blood pressure levels reveal. They reveal a disbelief that God is both trustworthy and sovereign. 

This part has much less to do with the election and more with the presence of evil in the world and our moving into it.

There is on often overlooked aspect of God's Sovereignty: that God can ordain something that brings him sadness (though not regret). Think about God not delighting in the death of the wicked (Ezek 33:11). Think about the cross. That did not come about by accident but by God's decree. Think about Lazarus' death in John 13 and remember that Jesus could have come sooner, but chose not to do so. Yet he wept. An intentionality, plan, and purpose, but not without tears. Think about the way a father has to discipline a son, being in total control of that discipline, yet he is sad that it has come to this point. 

I think we need less an answer as to why we suffer, and more a dynamic relationship with Sovereign loving God who also weeps with us. One of my favorite preachers, Martin Ban of Christ Church Santa Fe, reached this conclusion, even though I disagreed with how he got there. The why is less  important than the Who.

God's Sovereignty doesn't mean that God simply coldly ordains. He is not subject to emotions the way we are, but we cannot assume that things which always fall out according to His plan are without any divine "tears."

I've accepted who I am: I'm bad

My wife and I have been making our way through Breaking Bad on Netflix. As we are approaching the middle part of the 4th, and I believe, penultimate season, I've actually noticed a number of "common grace" (beneficial things non-Christians display and do) and fairly biblical insights. Let me share with you one particular questions that the series raises, and then answers.

If you are unfamiliar with the plot, it all centers around Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher who discovers that cooking Meth can provide for his family. Everything goes downhill from there. Duh....

His partner Jesse regularly goes to a recovery group for drug addicts. The ultimate presupposition of this group stated in their beginning session is that you need to first accept yourself and that change is not the most important thing. You have to like and accept yourself. This Oprah-esque mantra is assumed as gospel over the period of several different sessions.

Now what is positive about this is that it points us to a God who accepts and justifies us not because we clean ourselves up, but completely because of His Son who took our dirt and gave us His cleanness. Therefore we don't first clean ourselves up to come to Him. This kooky psychiatrist chooses to forgo the "religious" way to acceptance. You shouldn't try to clean yourselves up so that someone else will accept you. I'm with that.

But he instead opts for the irreligious way of self-acceptance or self-actualization. Just accept yourself for who you are. You don't need to change at all. You have to like who you are despite all that you've done, and how much your actions have literally destroyed lives.

Jesse gives it a shot. Instead of quitting the drug dealing industry, he hops back in with more vigor, determination, and delight than before. He used to to do it for money. Now it is who he is. He tells Walt that, "I've accepted who I am, and I am bad. I'm a drug dealer."

In a later group counseling session depicted in another episode, the same leader presses him to open up and share. Then he drops the bomb shell which exposes this "self-acceptance" theory of change. "Do you know why I've come here? I've come here to sell the recovering addicts in this group crystal meth. Should I accept myself? How bad is that!"

The scene is beautiful in a broken sort of way. It exposes the follies of the religious/irreligious ways of salvation and change as futile shams. The only thing missing is Jesus.

The gospel is a third way to live. We don't change in order to be accepted. But we also don't NOT change because we should accept ourselves and all of our sin. We're sinful. We shouldn't see our sin and say, "That's good stuff. That's me." The gospel says that is NOT the way God designed us to live. That is not you. Yet neither accepting ourselves, nor working to change our situation before God does any good. Change isn't primarily the problem. Self acceptance isn't primarily the problem. God's acceptance of us is, and can't be bought by self work or self-acceptance. 

Instead, the gospel offers us both God's acceptance (which then allows us to say-I like who am re-created to be) and the gift of a desire to change. Not a desire to change in order to please God or others, but a desire to change because we already have God's acceptance. And consequently the acceptance of His congregation of fellow struggling addicts.

Coach Schiano's son and what do with "fatherly embarassment"

Buccaneers coach Greg Schiano has been, and will be under much scrutiny this year. First of all, he is a first year head coach. But more than a first year head coach, he is a first year head coach who came from Rutgers. Most college coaches don't make good NFL coaches (and there was a good one last year, so the "law of averages" is not in his favor). Then he makes news in his second game of the season by implementing a college play (trying to cause a fumble during the "victory formation" kneel down). Then come reports of Schiano being a bully to folks visiting Rutgers.

Now the most recent story is his linebacker son at Berkeley Prep getting suspended for the rest of the season. Apparently vulgar language can come from coaches but not from players using such words in anger toward the referees. 

According to a FHSAA report obtained by The Tampa Tribune, Schiano was ejected from the Lennard game for using profanity at a referee. The conduct is considered a "Level 2'' unsportsmanlike conduct, which carries a six-week suspension.

This is somewhat ironic in that Coach Greg Schiano preaches discipline. According to respected player Ronde Barber, "he even has rules for rules." But his son was obviously playing by another set of rules.


Here are a few takes:

1.) A son's behavior, particularly when it swims against the current of his father's core teachings, reflects poorly on the father. Now it doesn't mean that the father has done a bad job of instilling discipline. It doesn't necessarily mean that he is a bad dad-although how one can be a good Dad AND good football coach is either a mystery or impossibility. But it really does dishonor and embarrass the father. When our kids do cuss out refs, or don't shake hands after games, it really is embarrassing. I think that's probably OK. But what we do with the embarrassment is where we can get into trouble.

2.) Regardless of the fact that it does embarrass the father (I'm sure I've embarrassed my father the same way my son's tantrums embarrass me) I don't think my embarrassment can EVER be the reason  why such a behavior is bad. Now for shame based cultures without the gospel, there is nothing wrong with that. That's normal. Don't screw up because you bring shame to the father. And if you do, you have to bear that shame somehow through atonement or suicide. But if the gospel reminds us that there is no shame for those in Christ (Romans 8:1), then parents can't play the, "you embarrassed me" card. God doesn't do it to us, so we can't do it our kids.

3.) It's natural to be embarrassed. But have you ever asked yourself, "Why is this so embarrassing for me?" Often times it is because we lose approval points. We don't look like we know what we're doing (which is only an illusion anyway). No one will give us the proverbial "parent of the day" award. And you know you want it. I do, and that's why my child's bad behavior is so embarrassing.

4.) While sins affects more than just the person sinning such as the parent, team, or community, the ultimate offended one is God. Schiano may have rules for rules, but God has laid out a perfect design for us to follow. And it is him whom we have offended. David reminds us of this when he says, "Against you, you only have I sinned Lord...."(Psalm 51:4) The sin of cussing out a referee or refusing to shake the other teams hands is not primarily an offense against the ref, the other team, or the coach, but against the Lord.

5.) It doesn't hurt to read and re-read, and re-hash in our minds the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). The younger brother, due to his sin and selfishness brings shame to the father. In a shame based culture, this is a bad idea. Bad Idea Jeans for sure. But the father meets the son outside of town, embraces him, and brings him back into town to remind everyone that he is covered. The father covers the sons shame while taking the sons shame upon Himself. How great is it to hear that God is not embarrassed or ashamed to call us his sons, nor is Jesus ashamed to call us his younger brothers (Heb 2:11). I hope I can remember this the next time I'm embarrassed by my son's actions.

This UK pastor is OK: Struggle with same sex attraction

Yesterdays sermon on Ephesians 5 took us deep into the challenging world of sexuality. It's probably the most offensive topic, whether it be a neighbor sleeping with his girlfriend, a capitulating "non-struggle" with pornography, or whether homosexuality is "cool" with God. If you question these ideas, you will most likely get dealt the "don''t judge me" card.

But there is a difference between struggling/wrestling or admitting struggles in such areas AND "Let's not go there." The latter is a non-Christian response. But there are is also a difference betwixt struggling/wrestling with sexual sin and actually admitting/confessing sin. The former demonstrates that Christ is working in you. If there's no struggle, then you've arrived at Heaven. And I'm not sure folks in Heaven are reading this blog-though I can't prove that. And it would be pretty cool if they were. But that's a bit tangential.

I think the latter, actually admitting/confessing takes belief one step further.

Most Christians-and I'm in that category-tend to limit sin struggles to very generic terms like "pride" or "lust." Duh....thanks for letting me in; tell me something I don't know!

The specifics are hard. When those specifics comprise sexual sin, they are much harder. When those specifics involve same sex attraction, that is REALLY hard. When one is a pastor, that is REALLY, REALLY hard.

Vaughn Roberts, and I are close. If by close you mean I met his sister at the National Outreach Conference in San Diego back in 2008, and I have one of his books God's Big Picture, yes we are close. Recently he agreed to an interview about his struggles with same-sex attraction.

Do yourself and those around you a favor. No I'm not talking about wearing deodarant or flossing your teeth: read this interview.  Here's a snippet:

Julian: Evangelical Anglicans are widely reported as saying there shouldn’t be gay clergy. What does that mean for you?

Vaughan: The press is often very misleading here. There is no objection to people being church leaders because of a homosexual orientation. The focus of the argument is over teaching and practice. Evangelicals say that clergy should uphold the Bible’s teaching that sex is only for heterosexual marriage in teaching and lifestyle, both of which I do.

Julian: You might not be meaning to say anything fundamental about your identity by acknowledging that homosexuality is a personal issue for you, but there are many who will hear you in that way and are likely to label you accordingly. Would it not have been better to have kept silent?

Vaughan: I have been very grateful for the friendship and wisdom of my Advisory Group (Peter Comont, Jonathan Lamb, Will Stileman and Pete Wilkinson), who keep me accountable and provide much needed counsel. They, along with close family and friends, have known for a considerable time that I experience same-sex attraction. We have thought through these issues together and, although the words in the preface are very low key, I didn’t take the decision to write them lightly.

In fact, I included some personal references when I first wrote the chapter on homosexuality six years ago, but I removed them before it was published because we were all conscious of the potential dangers of unhelpful labelling and of the pressure for me to engage increasingly in a single issue ministry — something I’m very keen to avoid. I felt it right to include the new preface, however, with their support, because of an increasing conviction that there does need to be more openness in this area among evangelical Christians, given the rapidly changing culture we live in — and the resulting increased pressure on believers who face this battle.......

Julian: What advice would you give to those who have not felt able to share their experience of same-sex attraction with other Christians?

Vaughan: I would strongly urge them to take a first step and think of at least one mature believer they could trust and be open with. We haven’t been called to live as isolated Christians, but rather as members of God’s family in local churches. Churches are imperfect, just as we all are as individuals, but they are the context in which God means us to grow together as disciples. Many of us have found that honesty about our struggles with trusted brothers and sisters has not only been an encouragement to us, but has also made it easier for others to open up to us about their own battles. Parachurch organisations can also be a useful resource. The True Freedom Trust (http://www.truefreedomtrust.co.uk), for example, has been a great help to many.

I'm glad Vaughan chose NOT to take this particular struggle out of his book since the title of the book IS Battles Christians Face. Christians do face this battle. To admit such a struggle takes serious some serious spiritual cojones (I know that's crass but "gusto" just doesn't do this act justice). It takes some serious belief in the gospel. Remember, you can confess and admit struggles if you believe that you are ALREADY clothed in the righteousness of Christ. You can admit your struggle with depression, same-sex attraction, pornography, eating disorders, or whatever other struggles are taboo for church folks.

Thankful for the gospel centric honesty from Vaughan. Probably a fantastic pastor.

What the Packers and Seahawks teach us about grace

For those who opted to stay up late to watch the Monday Night Green Bay Packers vs. Seattle Seahawks game, you were rewarded with perhaps the worst call since the infamous Bert Immanuel catch (#5 on the NFL's most controversial calls,which mind you, prompted a rule change; the "tuck rule" was never amended after Tom Brady's fumble that wasn't). 

If you didn't see it, Packers defensive back M.D. Jennings came down with the final pass of the game in his hands. Seahawks receiver Golden Tate had one hand on the ball but was rewarded with the game winning catch. Things got so bad that some packers considered drastic measures like kneeling down every play until the replacement refs are sent back to the high school and Pop Warner fields from whence they came. 

To make matters worse, Golden Tate blatantly shoves down another defensive player, completely taking him out of the play. That is called "offensive pass interference" in most people's "books," though admittedly is rarely called at the end of games.

So Golden Tate was rewarded with the touchdown, even though someone else secured that possession for him. Tate received something good, because of the work of someone else. He received the fruit and credit for the labor of another.

Not only that, but he clearly disqualified himself by pushing down another defender in order to try and secure possession of something that was clearly out of reach. He should have received a penalty. Instead he is rewarded and blessed.

Does this sound like something that has happened before? It should.

It's the gospel. It's grace. Getting something good when you deserve something bad. Getting something good because the real winner chose to lose and take the bad for you.

Philippians 3:9

"....and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..."

 Colossians 2:13-14
   ^{13 And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,  by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.} 
  
The Seahawks clearly were the recipients of grace in some form.

In a Jim Rome interview, one player felt particularly angered. But anger boiled up in this man not primarily because of the bad call, but because of the Seahawks disdaining the grace bestowed upon them. Instead of owing the victory to grace, several Seahawks claimed that this was simply the result of hard work, dedication, and drive.

Quarterback Russell Wilson claimed someone "made a play." Coach Pete Caroll affirmed that it was the right call. Golden Tate wouldn't fess up to his shoving the other defensive back to the ground.

That's what angered this player so much. Taking credit for something it is clearly grace.

A few thoughts:

1.) Grace does make people mad, particularly those who think they've earned something. The older brother in the Prodigal Son story was angered by grace. He didn't get anything good despite how "good" he thought he'd been. If you believe grace, preach grace, show grace, you will make people angry. If you tell them that they need grace, or still need grace, you will make people mad. We're a messed up bunch, but we don't like to hear that!

2.) On the same note ("G" for Grace), when you recognize your own need for grace, folks will find something offensive, much more attractive. It would have done much to disarm the situation if several Seahawks simply said, "Yep, we were given a gift tonight." Grace was offensive, but it would have disarmed a lot of angry people to admit they needed it. If we preach grace to "people like you, people that really need it, people like _____," then we will inevitably get an angry "You think you're better than me?" But if grace is for people like "us," well then, that goes a long way. It's good theology as well. Romans 3:23.

3.) We ought to get as upset with ourselves as the Pack did with the Seahawks when the latter denied the grace that had been shown to them. It made me sick to see how much credit Seattle took for their victory. Does it bother us as much when we forget that any spiritual victory is the work of Christ in us? It's His work in us that we celebrate. He has taken possession of salvation for us and now puts the "ball" in our hands. Only we rejoice with Him who has taken possession of what we could never hope to possess.

Bringing the gospel to your kids without being a Grace Nazi

My wife and I have been reading different parenting books. I just finished Our Covenant with Kids while Amy and a number of women at Redeemer are working their way through Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick. The former focuses on theology and application of that covenant theology within the family and church. The latter focuses on teaching kids grace, instructing parents specifically how to craft phrases and take full advantage of gospel speaking opportunities. It doesn't deal with how grace plays itself out within the covenant structure simply because her theology isn't covenantal. Can't blame her for ignoring that part!

While not having read Give Them Grace, other than snippets and reviews, I can see Fitzpatrick does a great job of challenging parents to begin to saturate the kids with the gospel at a very young age. And of course, to think gospel-centered, is to think counter-cultural and counter-instinctual. Thus it can seem awkward at the start.
 
I'm thankful for parents willing to re-think parenting in light of the gospel. Because grace is more of a salmon than a tuna (swimming against the current as opposed to going with it-thanks Jerry Seinfeld), we need to intentionally recapture the gospel and apply it to parenting. And if the gospel doesn't take center-stage in our parenting, being involved in the results or lack thereof, we'll go neurotic. 

Here's how the gospel has helped me in my short time as a parent. I have a feeling I'll only cherish it and need it more and more as the kids grow.

1.) Our ultimate goal is not the behavior of the child. I pray often that my kid will be nice to his friends, not bite, hit or spit. But my main goal as a parent and as a pastor overseeing children is that the kids would know the gospel, cherish Jesus, and connect with a church when they leave the home. 

In the past several days, a few well meaning folks have told me, "I'm glad I got to spend time with your kids because it makes me feel better as a parent." Now that could be offensive if I didn't believe the gospel for them. My ultimate goal is not good behavior-though I do want that-but for them to believe the gospel: that will produce behavior consistent with the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). And when my kids disappoint me, I have to believe the gospel for myself. My kids' behavior is not my righteousness. Their behavior, successes, or lack thereof are not the solid rock on which I stand. My kids' performance does not give/take away any meaning to my existence. Jesus and all that he did for me is my righteousness, and that is something which never ebbs or wanes. Now believing that is of course much harder than writing or communicating it to others. But that's why grace is so important in parenting. Both for you and for your kids.

2.) I try to be a good parent. I pray. I read books. But I think I stink sometimes. Now I love my kids, and because I do, I pray for protection not just from the world, but from themselves and from their parents. I'm certain God can protect them from my failures. I've seen God do it before with absentee parents, so I trust him to do it with flawed "presentee" parents. We need the gospel.

3.) The question is then how to do it. That's one thing Give Them Grace really seeks to accomplish. But that is never an easy, thoughtless, or confession-less thing to do. When the gospel becomes a part of who you are, how then do you instruct and train your kids in such a way that it becomes part of who they are? Here's what Amy and I have been doing. It may be helpful, or it may not. Still, it always helps me apply the gospel to whatever I'm doing when I see how others apply it to what they are doing. From one flawed parent to another.

• Speak often in terms that reinforce the gospel. We don't ask Connar, "Were you a good boy or bad boy?" That seems to indicate a change in standing based upon behavior. We like to say, "Did you listen or not listen?" We tell him that only Jesus makes him good, and that God still loves Him when he does "bad sins." His position isn't based upon performance. Sins are still bad, but he knows that God still loves him just as much when he fails to listen.
• If you speak often enough in terms that reinforce the gospel, you don't have to analyze every single thing you said or did and wonder, "Did I reinforce the gospel?" That can become draining. Did I teach grace there or only teach the law (of course I realize you have to teach law in order to get to grace)?  To borrow another Seinfeld term, you don't need to be a "grace Nazi" to yourself or others. If you can't ever encourage your child in a good behavior, there is probably something wrong. You like encouragement when you have done something well. If my kid listens at school I encourage him and celebrate it! Most of the time we say, "Jesus helped you to listen. Yay!" Or we could say, "Jesus loves you just as much regardless, but we are excited because that shows love to your teachers." But sometimes we don't, or sometimes we forget. Yet because we couch most things in the gospel we don't have to be "grace Nazi's." If I tell him, "Good job," he knows who empowers "good jobs," and that he, like his Mommy and Daddy, are in need of grace how no matter how good of a job it was. If all you do is celebrate behavior, you will teach moralism. If you saturate your kids with grace in the morning, afternoon, and evening, then what they are going to hear is grace, even if you don't say it every, single time.
• The only way to know your kid is getting the gospel and not simply behavioralism is to ask questions and listen to them pray. We can speak about grace until it is coming out of their noses, or ours, but until we hear them speak grace back to us, we don't know what they really think. If they open up in prayer, "Jesus, only you can change my heart..." or  "I know Jesus that you've already obeyed for me so I can relax and follow you....," then that's probably a good indication that the gospel is at work.

It is only by grace that anything good comes out of us and out of our kids. Even at 4 years old, my little boy understands and prays for other people's hearts. When he recognizes that he needs the gospel as much as his friends and parents do, watch out. Good things will happen.

Please share any things you do as a parent to make the gospel part of your parenting in the comment section.