A Boobalicious Baptism? Nope, not classy enough

A friend of mine posted a video snippet from the show Big Rich Texas (I guess that's a real show) on how to do a classy and stylish baptism.



It is worth watching because it is quite outrageous. It is also quite funny, but at the same time it is quite sad. A weird mix, like Hope Solo and Jerramy Stevens who married one day after being arrested for assault. Jesus is conspicuously absent, but not in a Esther-esque type way.

Despite the fact that this video misses Jesus entirely, I will try to practice Paul's method in his ministry to the Athenians (Acts 17) when he commended that which he could before critiquing and pointing to Jesus. Here's my best shot.

Positives

1.) Breasts should take a backseat to a baptism. Now she doesn't say this exactly, but instead warns against being "boobalicious." I think that church is probably also a time not to be "boobalicious." Then again, whatever that means, boobaliciousness is probably best reserved for the bedroom. 

2.) Baptism is celebratory. I think this lady gets that. It is a big deal. A baptism is something we should get very excited about. Jesus is on the move as a conquering King and we join in the celebration.

3.) Community. Sometimes shy people would prefer to have as little attention drawn to them as possible, and therefor postpone or put off baptism entirely. But our baptism is not an individualistic endeavor. We are being brought into a new community, of which we now have new blessings and responsibilities. And in turn, that new community, the church, has new blessings and responsibilities as well.

Negatives

1.) Baptism is not about you wanting to change. Baptism isn't primarily about the commitment to live a different life or turning over an new leaf (thought that is certainly the result of the gospel), but about Jesus atoning sacrifice and resurrection which then empowers us to live differently (I Peter 3:21; Col 2:12). It may sound like semantics, but if God doesn't deal with the punishment and power of sin, all is lost. Baptism is not a sanctified public New Years resolution ceremony celebration of your commitment to Him. It's celebrating His commitment to you.
2.) Classy and Stylish? Not exactly God's great and wonderful plan for our lives. I even wonder how "classy" Jesus was. When he describes the great eschatological banquet and party he's going to throw at the end of time, he goes after the classless, scoundrel, smelly, crippled, blind (Luke 14). The classy people you would expect to come to the party didn't want to be there. Maybe they felt too classy? I wonder if we don't at times follow the same M.O., but just don't realize it. Jesus washed feet, touched lepers and bleeding ladies. And that's not to say he didn't have classy friends: I'm sure Zaccheus' house was probably pretty classy. When you steal a lot of money, you probably spend that money on your house. But classy and stylish didn't form some sort of invisible fence determining that which he should or shouldn't do. Now I've never been accused of being too classy and stylish (my high school priest/teacher refused to believe my family were members of the Tampa Yacht and Country Club), but there are things that I should do which I sometimes feel are "beneath me." Am I not then acting too classy but sub-Christian?

3.) Don't try to make baptism or Jesus beautiful. You can take something beautiful, such as a baptism, and try to make it more beautiful, and end up making it repulsive. Like Big Rich Texas. We can do this with our pictures of Jesus. CNN actually offered a survey to discern whether or not you were "Red Jesus or Blue Jesus?" When we create a Jesus that has a bigger heart for the 2nd amendment than the 2nd commandment, or a Jesus that is primarily interested in entitlements and more government regulation, we have before us a very ugly Jesus.

We've all tried to make him more beautiful by adding stuff which seems classy, stylish, fitting, and relevant, but we have ultimately presented a repulsive view of Jesus. If not to ourselves, then to others. And he's beautiful beyond description as the disciples found out (Matt 17:2). They were speechless, minus Peter who was apparently a talker.

Anything you try to adorn Jesus with will in the end leave him looking uglier beyond belief, whether it be good works, tradition, politics, etc...That's the irony.

In the end, I'm ok with an non-traditional baptism as long as the person and work of Jesus, and His church, take a front seat to stylish, classy, convenience, and individual.