I guess that the best sign of a good retreat is that you're still thinking about what's been said on Monday morning. Even better if Tuesday, and so on..
Well today, as I was reading my bible and reflecting upon my anger, I felt the need to reflect upon the question behind the issue: why? Why am I so obsessed with certain things, and certain responses from people? Well, the Holy Spirit informed me quite loudly-though not audibly-exactly what it was.
What Rodney Dangerfield complained about and what Aretha Franklin sang about: Respect. It's not that I desire everyone to like me. I really don't think that's the case. I don't 'need' you to like me; I 'need' you to respect me. Maybe I'm more Machiavellian than I would like to admit. Not so much your love, but your respect. That's what I feel like I've really been seeking. You can disagree with me, and even dislike me, but please don't disrespect me! I looked back over my years of ministry experience, and that's been one of my main struggles.
Just confessing that to Christ this morning, and cyber-confessing this to you frees me and moves me down a path to recovery. I can't complain about the same thing that Rodney complained about: the ultimate sign of respect is that of someone dying in my place. That's respect. That's respect and love. Can you beat that? So after confessing and taking one look at my sin, I need at least 10 looks at the cross. Believing is harder than it looks.
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